Letting Go!!!

Nothing is harder about love then losing it or letting it go. Losing love is hard because when you lose love its against your will. This can leave you feeling powerless. There are also times in love when you have to let it go. To me this is even more difficult than losing love. To let go and learn to move on takes will power and a lot of tears but is sometimes necessary to become a stronger person later in life. Lets admit not all love is good for everyone. Let me explain. In order to have a functioning loving relationship it needs to be a two way street. Meaning both parties love the same amount. Sometimes in relationships or certain situations you might find yourself loving the other person more than they love you. As heartbreaking this can be it does happen. This is where Heartbreak starts. Not everyone loves the same way and this is very important to know also. I say if you find yourself always upset behind this person maybe it just isn't worth it. When do you cross the line of being supportive and just being taken advantage of. Someone taking advantage of your love is one of the most painful experiences you will ever experience. Don't let anyone get so far into your head that they make you feel like your not worthy or like nothing you do isn't good enough. When is it time to pull your love away??? when you feel like you are changing everything about yourself or when you just feel the love fade away. If this does happen to you or ever happened use it to your advantage and learn and grow from it. NO ONE IS WORTH GIVING UP YOUR HAPPINESS FOR...NO ONE!!!

Should I kick em' to the curb???????????

I get a lot of request from the ladies wanting to know when should cut their men off. This could answered in alot of different ways. I believe everyone is going to make a mistake or two and don't deserve to just be kicked to curb if they cut up a little. If your man is cheating on you does he deserve another chance? I think is also a case by case situation. If you and your man have not had sex for months because you just don't feel like it and then you find out he slept with someone else but was really sorry for it and admitted it...He might deserve another chance. I mean come on everyone has needs. If you and your man seem happy and he is just out in the streets and just wont stop cheating then you need to kick his sorry ass to the curb. Now if your man doesn't make enough money and you make more then him but he treats you good and works hard should you dump him...My opinion is absolutely not. I know alot of you are reading this right now saying who would leave a hard working man that doesn't make more money than them right...You guys would be surprised on some woman thinking.But that's a different topic. Ladies the answer to this is follow your brain and your heart. Equally. When it comes to love you must use both. Sometimes your heart will lead you one way and your brain will lead you another. Use the caring of your heart and the smarts of your brain to make tough decision in your relationship. With the balance of the two you cant go wrong.

Love at first sight...Is it possible?

Do you believe in love at first sight or lust at first sight? Do you know the difference? Sometimes people get the two mixed up and that could be catastrophic.. I say this because you will build up yourself to think you really are in love with this person when it is not love its lust. The difference between the two is this. Love is when you know you don't want to be with anyone else when you put their needs and want before your own. Lust is when all you can think about is sleeping with this person by sleeping I mean sex... Love is one of those things that could come all of a sudden or creep up on you when you least expect it. Either way it usually comes and hits you hard. I do believe in love at first sight or maybe its just wishful thinking. You know...... when you look at someone and everything starts to flash before you. You can actually see yourself marrying this person and starting a family with. Growing old with this person. I have felt like this. I remember it like it just happened as soon as I saw him I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I still think my assumption was right because I still love him now. I cant say this happens to everyone and some will disagree with me saying that it takes time to fall in love and I could see most feeling like this if you have never encountered a situation like this before. Whether you fall in love after six months or six minutes depends on you. All I know is the true meaning of love is to love not to be loved in return. Someone told me this and it will stick with me for the rest of my life. This is how you know if it lust or love. Lust is something we need in return. Love is a feeling deep in your heart and the true gift of it is feeling it for someone else.

Just do you!

Have you ever been so head over heels for someone and just as it seems they are letting you in there world you realized they have pushed you away even further than before? This happens more than we would like to admit it. Is it that they have someone already? Or are they waiting for someone better to come along? Whatever you may think is the reason one thing might be the obvious reason. Maybe just maybe they don't like you. This is one of those things that isn't easy. Especially for us woman. The fact that you are doing everything in your power to show this person love and attention doesn't really matter. In some cases they may even be using you...Okay in most cases. If you are seeing someone and they are always asking you for money or for favors there using you. To me this is just plain ole mean! And for those who do this Karma is a bitch it will come back. But sometimes all we need is a reality check. Some cant figure this out alone so I will list some examples that might help you figure this out. First if you call and they don't answer EVER this is a sign that there not into you. Second if you haven't met anyone in there family then there not into you. And last but not least when you try and talk about you and them getting serious and they either change the subject or find a way to get away whether it be off the phone or leave the room then they are just not into you. These are some of my examples but there are lots. And each cases varies. I say go with you heart if this person is showing you signs like there is a chance for the two of you to be together only when they want something then its time to move on and do for yourself. They will not start loving you they will keep using you. This might be hard from most to come to grips with but its just real talk....Just do you!

The Highs and Lows or Love...

Ladies have you ever notice that when you play the game the way you intended everything goes as planned but then you start to switch it up, feelings start to get involved and next thing you know shit is all messed up! wonder what I'm talking about? I'm talking about that person that you intended to be "just hanging out with" then you start to notice that you are falling for them. Falling so hard and so fast that you can barely keep up. This person has the ability to make you feel so high. But the only problem with high is you have to take the lows with that high. Those lows can feel like no other. Those lows are the worse ever because if you haven't built the connection with this person you cant come back from most of these lows. This ties into my last blog of casually dating someone or getting played. When you are seeing someone whether it be for companionship or just sex when do you know when to call it quits. I say when feelings start to get involved and you realize that its going no where. In this situation the only one who gets hurt is you. You put your feelings out there and now there susceptible to getting hurt. When you are not in a relationship with this person some feelings and thoughts should be kept to yourself. Only when you feel like the other person is feeling you just as much as your feeling them then you speak up. Somethings are not worth messing up. Leave well enough alone but don't allow yourself to be broken down in the process.

Casually Dating....

So your casually dating and find out that he has a few girls he is dating or even worse a girlfriend....What Now? Your feelings may be involved but its time to do some evaluations on them. I know easier said than done but what choice do you have? Okay first things first, the first situation is your casually dating and your catching feelings as much i want to say try not to catch them shit happens. So he tells you that he is seeing other girls. I say go with your instinct's on this one if you feel okay with it than roll with it but if it makes you feel uncomfortable than end it. even though Casually dating means not obligations no strings no ties. You still have the option to end the fling or whatever you choose to call it whenever you like. Now for situation #2 your casually dating and you find out that he has a girlfriend but he still wants to see you...What do you do? I say lay low if you want to try and stay friends that is something that will almost every time fail, because their is temptation there. This is no different than meeting a man that is in a relationship. If you were just hanging out with this guy and he chooses someone else then he probably wasn't looking at you as girlfriend material. This is only obvious because he would have picked you. These are my opinions and i know a lot of this is easier said than done. Dating is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do but it is also a lot of fun. Just try and keep you eyes on whats really important and that's making yourself happy..

What goes around comes around

So you think you have finally met the person you thought you could spend a lifetime with then...You find out he is in a relationship...What do you do?? My answer to this is one of mass confusion. If he is married does that make him no longer the man you could see yourself with? What if he is not in a relationship and he is dating several different people? This is a tough one. As much as I would like to sit here and say never talk to man if he is in a relationship we have all done it. some of us knew some of us didn't but its almost certain that it has happened. Okay I'm going to try and write about my opinions of this without pissing off as many of you as possible but hey this is what i do. I have to keep it real....In the case of the married man I think that if you meet this man and you fall for him and he tells you he is married you need to back the hell off! I say this because...say in the 1 in a hundred chance he leaves his wife for you. His ass will cheat on you too....Why?? KARMA is a bitch!! If you happen to meet a man and he is in the process of leaving his wife but he wants you make his ass wait. If it is worth it, it will be. Seeing a married man is in no way okay. And you have to think what is going to make you so different that you think he wont cheat on you later. Now this is where things start to get tricky Say you meet a man and he is in a relationship now what? The right thing to do is keep it pushing but we know that's not easily done. The only thing I can do in this situation is speak from experience if he is with her there is something about her he likes more than you...so move on! Seeing a man in a relationship is bad but not as bad as a married man....(just my opinion) Lastly what happens if you are casually seeing a man and he tells you that he is dating more than you...ALOT MORE. Is this an automatic deal breaker? I think not. The reason I say this is because i have dated different guys at one time and there wasn't any other reason behind it besides I'm casually dating people. You know weighting my options. Woman take this seriously and if you do that means that he was casually dating you and you were falling in love. With all of this being said ladies open your eyes if he is doing it to one woman chances are he will do it to you.

A man with sensitivity....too much sensitivity???

You need a man with sensitivity....I think this word doesn't even apply to how some of these men are now days. I'm not one to man bash but there is something I have to get off my chest. Have you guys ever had a friend that was so whipped by his woman it just made you sick. I mean a man with no damn back bone? Yuck.... it is the nastiest display you ever want to see. I know that men are usually rough and tough. They don't show emotions very well and they want to wear the pants all the time and that is sometimes annoying but imagine a man that cries all the time or is a yes man! That's even worse. They say if your man is doing this than he is probably gay. That isn't always the case. Alot of things could make a man soft like this like being raised by all woman. In some cases they grow up and become worlds best lover because they know exactly what woman want. Some cases is because they are very insecure that maybe they will lose their woman if they show a little bass in the voice. I say a man that can stand up to you when your wrong is a whole lot more sexy than a man who is a wimp. Lets face it ladies sometimes we have it coming and need a reality check. So fellas please when you meet a new girl let her know if you are a sensitive and or a crier. I think a man that knows when to turn it off and on is nice. A even medium is good. I mean this is just my opinion! Man up!!

Age aint nothing but a number.....

So age ain't nothing but a number huh? I went for my morning walk and I have to keep it real with you guys at all times. I saw a man that looked like he was at the most 19 and this lady she looked like his mom. So I'm thinking nothing wrong with this situation right.... Whoa was I wrong he started kissing her and grab her on the ass she laughed and got in her car and left. My jaw hit the damn floor. Then as I continued my walk I couldn't help but wonder why I was so damn shocked. Men do this shit all the time! They get them a piece of eye candy on their arm and they are the player the big shot, but when a woman does it she is a Cougar. Who made up that damn name anyway?? They should be shot..Lol. I was almost upset with myself I should have given her props from jump street. I hate the fact that society has made it so woman don't have the same right to do the shit men do to us all the time but then I realized I'm woman and I started to judge her like she was nasty for dating a younger man. I'm 27 years old and I couldn't see myself marring a man that was 19 but I could see myself doing what they were doing Lol.... I had to throw that up in there. I think everyone should be able to see who they want. No matter what the age (18 and over) sex or color. Its time we start realizing that when you put limits on who you can fall in love with then your only putting limits on how happy you could be. Because the person that doesn't fit into your perfect mate category could very well be the one who will make you the most happy. Love should be limit free....

-Unparagoned Woman!

Interracial dating who's for it? Who's against it?

So what do you think about interracial dating? Being from two different races myself this answer should be cut and dry for me you would think but my answer is complicated. I grew up in a era when seeing a black teenage boy walking hand and hand with a black girl was pretty much obsolete. This would bother me. I am mixed with black and white but look black. So I couldn't help but take offense to hear black men talk about black woman as if they weren't good enough for them. I believe everyone has the right to be with who they want to be with. I'm not against any race or sex being together. That's just not for me to judge. I have heard black men say it all when it comes to interracial dating like I only date white girls because black and Mexican girls have too much attitude for me. Or I have heard them say that they are players and the reason why they cant date black girls is because they cant do black woman wrong. I mean this is so wrong on so many levels. First of all I think alot of times society has some how made white woman look like they have no back bone and will do whatever there man wants and let them dog them out. WRONG!! In what city is this shit happening in??? lol because my momma is white and she has never let a man run her. I have alot of friends that are white and they are the same way. Second of all just because your black momma kicked your ass growing up if you didn't take out the trash doesn't mean that black woman have attitudes. Black woman have endured alot of scrutiny about this... yes we have spunk about us and its what gives us our edge but I wouldn't call it attitude. Black men have the same attitude. so should all black woman start dating white men? I could go on and on about this when there is one bottom line.....Date someone because you like the person they are not because there skin color is the right color for you. Let go of all the stereotypes and date who makes you happy get to know them for who they are. I can almost guarantee this will end up alot better for you long term.

You have to know the past to understand the present.

Does anyone else wish you had a magic wand where you could go back in time and change who you dated? I know I do. Why does it seem like the past always comes back to haunt you when you least expect it? I think for learning purposes only. The other day I was talking to a friend of mine and they wish they could go back to high school and do everything differently. So this made me wonder what things would I change if i could? I don't even know where I would start but I know that everything that has happened in my life has been for a reason. But I cant help but wonder what it would be like to not had met certain people or have feelings for them. would it change the way I view love now....I guess I would never know. Everyone I have met and/or dated has shaped me into the person that I am now. That's the way it is. Someone taught me how to love and how to kiss and how to make love. Hell I even learned how to break hearts from my first heartbreak. That made me strong and how to appreciate what I have while I have it. So I wouldn't even take that back. There is always something going on whether your single or in a relationship that shapes you as the woman you are today. My answer to this is I wouldn't change shit about my past because it has made me real at this moment.



What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new right now





"You can clutch the past so tight to your chest that it leaves your arms to full to embrace the future" ~Jan Glidewell





~Unparagoned Woman

The hard thing about business is minding your own

Has anyone ever gotten to involved with helping a friend in there relationship and in the end you feel like it was a huge mistake??? I know I have. So where do you draw the line at helping your friend? In my opinion anytime you open your mouth and speak your first word can be tragic. The reason being is because if this person listens to anything you say and it doesn't work out they will be looking at you for answers. But your thinking this is my friend and they need me or I want them to be together. Sometime things have to work themselves out and people need to learn there lessons the hard way. The true way of learning something is to go through it. This is because no one can describe to you an emotion. Emotions are felt and going through it first hand is the only way to truly experience it. So with that being said you cant prevent your friends and family from feeling the pain of a relationship. This goes both ways meaning you cant feel the joy of there relationship either. When dealing with family this can be especially tricky because there can be many different aspects of why your trying to help. Some people might see it as you being nosey, jealous or both. So when it comes to being involved you have to learn where to draw the line. Maybe just listening to what the person is saying. Show them that you care by conveying empathy by telling them if you have been in a similar situation. If you must give advice make it cut and dry like if your friend is being abused tell them to leave. Or if they suspect there being cheated on and have no proof tell them to make sure before they assume. Staying out of other peoples business will save you alot of unnecessary stress and make your friendships last a whole lot longer. So in other words mind your own damn business...

Once a cheater always a cheater???

Do you believe once a cheater always a cheater?? I think in most cases yes. Before you disagree listen to some of the reasons why I think this way. First, some people grow up in households where they watched someone cheater or have various partners. Some it is a natural thing to have more than one person at a time. Also I think that when people are in a serious relationship and get hurt really bad by a spouse it makes them want to never be put back in the situation to where they give there heart to one person and trust. I have been cheated on and I have cheated on people lets be honest its a whole lot easier to be the cheater than to be cheated on. I was cheated on first and when I felt that pain I said I would never cheat on anyone but then I forgot the pain and just felt like the smart thing to do was not to fall so deep for someone that I would get hurt like that again. When I got caught cheating I remembered that feeling when I looked at his face. I then felt so bad and I couldn't help but wonder if he would now be scared because of me? Would he cheat on someone because he will put up that same guard that made me cheat? I don't know but that was a huge weight to think that maybe I changed the way even one man thought about women. Being cheated on is one of the worse feelings but cheating on someone you care about also has it cons. It will put a strain on you. And eventually come to the light. If your married this will be even worse. So whatever your reason for cheating try and think about what damage your really creating. Once a cheater always a cheater?.... cheaters you have it in you, but a strong person can get through anything and break the cycle.

"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than to not trust"
~Samuel Johnson

Can you be in love with two people??

Its a simple question with a difficult answer...Can you be in love with two people at the same time? I don't think so. I say this because to be in love with some means to truly dedicate yourself to this person fully. Now there is a trick to this question. Can you be love two people at the same time and my answer to this is YES! A lot of people don't understand the difference between being in love and loving someone. For example you love your friends but your not in love with them. Being in love with some again is to where you are completed committed to just loving this person in a romantic way. When you have committed to being in love with some you don't have any room left to be in love with anyone else. I think you can love as many people as you want. Because to love some is feeling and being in love is a feeling accompanied by actions. Also alot of the time people get confused with being in love and being in lust. To lust for someone means it is strictly a sexually or emotional feeling the thought of being intimate with this person or touching or kissing this person. The power of lust is so strong that it can very well be confused for being in love. Here are ways to figure this thing out. First ask yourself how often do you think of this person and what are you doing when you think about them if you think of this person after you have had some drinks or if they walk into a room chances are you just lust for them. Now if you wake up thinking about this person and fall asleep thinking about this person then you may be in love. Also you need to ask yourself could you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person as a friend and as a lover. If you answer no you are basically saying that after you get what you want out of this person you may be done. These are reason people should use the "L" word very carefully because not only can you confuse the person that your telling but you could confuse yourself also.

Making love or having sex?

We say it to someone we care about and some people use it because it sounds good at the time. The word is love and in the context that I'm speaking the word is making love. Whats the difference between having sex and making love? I say a huge difference. When having sex and making love most think the basics are just about the same but I think they are complete different. To have sex with some all it takes is an action, two people and that's about it. You don't have to have feelings for this person hell you don't even have to know the persons name. It is strictly physical. Pretty much 95% of relationship start of with just a sexually chemistry and there is nothing wrong with that. How can you just meet someone and make love to them. To make love with someone is more mental than physical. To be connected with someones mind body and soul is a very powerful thing. When making love you are one with this person. It just feels better because its so much more complete. Don't get me wrong when your with your spouse there are going to be times where being soft and gentle are going to be the farthest thing from your mind. I think this help to keep things fresh with your partner. In my opinion variety is key in making your relationship work. you can most defiantly have sex with someone you love but its impossible to make love to someone you don't love. Woman we are especially sensitive to this. If you meet a guy and you guys have sex try to take it for what it is to avoid getting hurt. Because we are the more sensitive sex we tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves. This is just in our nature. Fellas keep it real with us don't tell us you want to make love to us if you don't love us. Ladies lets do the same...

Lovers or friends...or both?????

This is the age old question...can men and women really be just friends? My opinion is yes! but I can almost guarantee that at one point in time on person is going to want to take it there. I think this happens because we as humans we love to be comfortable and if you are in bad relationship your friends help you get through it. But what happens when it is a person of the opposite sex? I say you may start to develop feelings for them because you will see them as the one good man/woman left. For example if your man is trippin and you cant seem to make him understand where you are coming from but you call up your guy friend and he listens to you and makes you feel better you gotta kind of think to yourself that maybe just maybe he is the only one that understands you. And this also works vice verse if your a man and your girlfriend cheats on you, then you call up your good friend that happens to be a woman. And she is on the phone telling you that your such a great guy and that she was stupid to hurt you. As a man you might start to see her as a loyal and true woman. This is not in all cases I have been best friends with my man friend since 3rd grade. We would never cross that line. because our friendship means to much to us. Its never ran through my head to be intimate with him however i have thought about finding a man like him. So it is possible to be friends with someone from the opposite sex. But don't sell yourself short if you feel feelings for your friend tell them how you feel you never know the feeling might be mutual and who better to be lovers with than a friend!

Who has it better Men or Woman???

Who has it worst in society men or woman?? I guess it all depends on who you are asking. Men will say they have it worse and Woman will say they have it worse. In my opinion Men have it rough because when things get tough at home financially then they are looked upon as not being a good provider. Woman have it rough because if her relationship doesn't work out then she did something wrong. As woman we just beat up on each other so bad we make it alot harder on each other. If you were to put a group of men and woman in a room with a group of men and everyone was to meet someone and start a relationship all the men would be willing to help hook each other up but not us woman we would hate on each other even if we found someone we wanted to talk to. Men have always been able to come together and work together in ways woman couldn't ever begin to do. In society woman are known as soft emotional and confused. Where men are strong and easy going. Woman do we give our own self's these titles? Do we get so caught up in what society has made us out to be? I think so. for example a woman walks into a room she has on a T-shirt and sweat pants the first thing to jump out of a woman's mouth is she is either gay or poor. why cant it be that she just came back from working out or hell just not feeling good that day. But if a woman walks into a room with a nice dress on the first thing to pop out of a woman's mouth is she thinks she is cute....I don't know why we do this to each other but we put way more stress on each other. I say if a woman is comfortable in her own skin she doesn't judge. Too me woman have it alot harder in society but most of it is caused by other woman. We need to stop beating up on each other so much ladies!

Baby Momma Drama PT.2

Okay ladies so we have discussed how to not be a trifling baby momma but what about dealing with one.....You meet a man and he has a child the child is sweet and cute and you think hey this might work out. But then he lowers the boom and you met the baby momma....What do you do? I say treat this situation with kid glove be as gentle as you can about talking to her. If you meet her and she is nice this means she has moved on and her only concern is who is hanging around her child. But if you meet her and she is rolling her eyes at you or laughing with her friends, prepare yourself for a long ride. The first thing you need to do is utilize your man as much as possible this means don't talk directly to her. If you notice that you keep sending the child over there with shoes or clothes and there not coming back don't call her have the dad call. This is not your role to go back and forth with this woman. Second don't assume just because she doesn't like you that her whole family doesn't either. If the grandparent pick up the child be polite and respectful nine times out of ten they will go back and tell her that you were very nice and they will wonder what the hell is wrong with her. And third and this is a big one Never talk bad about her to her own child this will get back to her and when it does be prepared for a firestorm not just from her but your man also. In most cases whenever there is a court ordered child custody case it usually states that neither party can use any derogatory words or statements in front of the children about the other person. So we are talking about your man losing custody over you wanting to vent. If he is worth anything his kids come first and you can kiss your relationship goodbye. There is always going to be tension if this woman still has feelings for your man. The only thing you can do is be prepared and stay strong. Don't push a relationship on the children just let it flow. Good Luck

Baby Momma Drama

Woman are alot more sensitive than most men so the fact that your child's father has moved on can be heartbreaking to some. I happen to be a baby momma but I am apart of a new breed of baby mommas. The new breed are the ones who have evolved from the typical drama. Ladies if you find yourself in love with a man and you have a child together and it doesn't work out try not to be bitter. This only makes you look like your still in love with him. Even if you are in love there are different ways to go about it. First off if you find out he has a new girlfriend don't drive around trying to find her so you guys can fight. Sure this might make you feel better for a minute (if you win) but just think all you have done is bring them closer now she is at his house and he is playing doctor on her, or he will see that she is willing to take a ass whooping just to be with him. Second do not use your kids as ponds. If you have a little boy keeping him from his father is only going to hurt him in the long run. Every boy needs a father figure if he has a good father let him spend time with him. And if you have a little girl, having her father in her life is a sure fire way of improving her chances of staying off the pole...Hey this is just my opinion! Woman be apart of the new breed of baby mommas and let go of the bitterness and work with your baby daddy try to find common ground. By nagging him and just trying to make his life hell is another way of showing him that leaving you was a great choice. If your baby daddy broke up with you and you want him back show him how strong you are by not giving him hell every chance you get.



" it takes alot more energy to hate someone than it does to try and get along."

The definition of a real man

My first blog was called the definition of a real woman. So believe it is only right to share my opinion of the true definition of a real man. Now and days strong men do not receive the credit they deserve. This is mostly caused by weak men in the past who have given men the title of cheaters and dogs. We have to stop beating down all men ladies because no 2 men are the same, just as we are not all the same. So what is a real man? well is basically the same #1 answer for whats a real woman and that is STRONG! A real man is strong and focused. A real man will bypass all the bullshit that comes his way. He will hold it down for his family (if he has one) and will take responsibility for all of his actions. He will allow his spouse to also be strong. A real man doesn't care about sharing the spot light with his spouse because he is confident within him self. I get so tired of hearing people bring men down. Because they have been let down by a man during there life. Whether it be there fathers or the husband/boyfriends. There is something about a man that handles his business and keeps it real. If you don't want to be in a committed relationship just man up and tell her you don't want to be committed. Also woman we need to stop thinking men are weak because they show us a little emotion. A mans heart breaks just like ours. I have been in public and seen woman talk there man down. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. Some woman do this thinking this is cute or for bragging rights in front of their girlfriends. In my mind all I'm thinking is she thinks she is tough but she is in a relationship with a pansy. If she was a real woman she would need a real man.....I want to make my man feel good all the time because he deserves it. Ladies give the guys a break sometimes. Men keep doing your thing and hold it down.

Its okay to cry a river, but build a bridge and get over it.

So you have hit the point in your relationship when you don't feel that spark and instead this person that once brought you so much joy is just pissing you off every chance they get....What do you do? I say let it go even if its only for a while. Sometimes in relationships one person might take for granted what they have in there partner. About 3 years ago in my relationship i felt like we had hit a dead end. I would go to work and work hard come home and cook and clean and it just didn't seem like i was being appreciated so instead of nagging him to death I just STOPPED! I didn't lift another finger I didn't cook I didn't clean. The first few days my man was fine with it then he started to notice he was running out of clean clothes and eating out every night was not good on the stomach or easy on the pockets. So he finally told me that he was sorry and that he realized what I did around there. So the strike ended... I had hours of cleaning ahead of me but hey i proved my point. My point was that in relationships there needs to be a level of respect for one another if he would have went on strike i would have been just as ready to apologize just as fast as he did. Then there are those times when you have done everything you have shown this person that you love and respect them your walking on eggshells when things are good to keep them that way and you still cant seem to please this person, This may be time when you have to just let it go! If you are giving this person all of your attention then you are taking away the attention you should be giving yourself. Love is a bitch sometimes it will make you do the most way out crazy things and I believe in being in love but loving yourself comes first at all times. Let love go and if it is at all worth it, it will come back.

"A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it"

The many hats of woman..

As we know ladies we grew up watching our grandmothers. She would cook and clean all day! They grandpa would come home and they would spend the rest of the evening together. She was a homemaker and held down the fort while her man was away at work. Then we grew up watching our moms a lot of them had part time jobs and would take care of the home when they weren't at work. Now times are different we play those roles that grandma played and mom played. We are professional woman, Strong and Intelligent, not saying our moms weren't but times have made woman have to switch up fast. in the past three generations we have done a complete 360. So how do you balance the job, the kids, the man and the friends. I say it takes strength and determination. Women put your kids first and the rest will follow. The other order to which you choose to prioritize is solely your choice. I know having the career brings you power and money but when your kids are messed up in the head there is only so much power and money will do to help them. I know having a man can bring you pleasure and having friends can bring you respect but again neither one of these should come before your children. I have been blessed with a beautiful family that i Cherish everyday. I have also been blessed with friends that have good relationships with there children. I say ladies if you see your friends doing there kids wrong say something you can be a friend and voice your opinion about what your beliefs are. She might really need to hear it from a true friend. We wear many hats some hats are made like friendships some hats are found like love some hats are earned like a career but to me the most precious hat you could ever wear is the hat you create yourself like your children.

They smile in your face.....Backstabbers

One of the fans of this blog asked me to touch on the subject of Backstabbing friends I have really only had one friend turn her back on me and all it took was that for me to let my guard go up. This is a very touchy subject because you have the person who has been hurt and the person who is causing the hurt. I don't know about you fellas but woman are cold hearted when it comes to hurting another woman's feelings we will pull out all the stops! Men tend to either not talk to the person ever again or fight. I guess this is where men and woman are so different. For woman if you have been friends with this person for a long time than it is alot harder to just stopping to this person. You guys most likely have the same friends and hang out at the same places. But you have to ask yourself what makes this woman that you have been friends with just flip on you and turn her back? There is alot of answers to this but I know the main one is JEALOUSY...yep the green eyed monster! This is where you need to learn to cut yourself from the drama and move on. If your so called friend is jealous over something positive you have done in your life than you need to cut the negative from your life. when you step up in life and it becomes a positive thing so keeping the negative around you is a oxymoron. Sometimes in life you have to take the bad with the good but not when it comes to this. Anyone that isn't happy for your success needs to keep it pushing. Don't allow yourself to be stressed over this person. Ladies if you find yourself jealous of your friends than that means you need to work on some self improvement. Use this as motivation to strive yourself. Everyone has come across a back stabber in there day but how you choose to deal with it is totally up to you....good luck with dealing with your backstabber but remember people can only put you through what you allow them to out you through...Own your life and move on!



~ A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity. ~
-Robert A. Heinlein

Quality Or Quantity

Tell me fellas why is it that most of you guys believe in quantity and not quality? Ladies you know what i mean. we have males friends that are talking to 3 or 4 girls, you might have had the a chance to meet some of these ladies and all you can think is they are all trash. I think there must be something in a guys head that its better to have a lot of different woman instead of having that one great one. Now tell me if I'm wrong fellas, But I have know a few woman who are the complete package they care for you, treat you like a king, there strong and smart. The Complete Package! But she isn't your only girl why? In my personal opinion I would rather have that one man who treats me right and is faithful than have 4 guys that treat me okay and are going out with other woman. Another thing men do that i don't understand is when that real woman has had a enough and leaves that's when you guys want her the most. Do men always want what they cant have? Is it all about the chase, and once she is yours it gets boring to you? I will never understand because women don't think like this. If we have a man at home and he is a real man then were okay with that. Well let me be fair some of us ladies are content with that. On the flip side of this more and more woman are starting to feel like there man isn't enough. The woman of today are thinking with the mentally of men. That we don't need to chase some man around and that we can be fine being single. But ladies how much of this is really true? Do we sometimes say this to hide the pain that were alone. I have been single and I have been in relationships and trust me both of them have there perks.I find it better to be in a relationship with the right person than be alone. And i find it better to be single if I cant find the right person. I guess it all depends on what floats your boat. I will say to my Fellas when you find that one woman who is the total package treat her right because the good ones always seem to get away and you never find out how good you had it until she is gone.

Let's talk about sex baby...

I haven't met an adult yet that doesn't like sex. But there are times when the other person wants it more than you do. As women do we just give in and do it because we feel like we better give it up before he finds it somewhere else? I say as one half of the relationship you should make every attempt to try and make sure your partner is satisfied. As woman we have a lot of things that sometimes can mess up the mood for us, such as stress. If this is the case with me and my man wants it I try to make sure that I'm not just thinking for me but as a part of a relationship where sometimes you have to give. majority of the time if I'm not in the mood i just relax and focus on what is taking place and I get in the mood. Allow your man to take you Ecstasy. Good sex is about a state of mind.If I'm not feeling it in my mind the rest of my body isn't going to follow. I say sex is about 85% mental and 15% physical for woman. We want to be connected to a person on a mental level first if they don't stimulate our minds there is only so much looks will get them.They can be the finest person in the world but if there dumb as a door nail they can keep it pushing. what would you rather have a cute person that you are attracted to physically? Or a spouse that is smart and keeps you interested? Some might not feel the same way as me and that's fine. But i will tell you this a person that gets into a woman's head and heart can keep her focus a lot longer than just a pretty face.

Keeping that spark alive.

Everyone knows that in the bargaining of the relationship you always have the butterflies. About how long does it last before those feeling start to go away? Is there anything we can do to keep that feeling alive? I say YES! It all goes back to what I have said before don't allow yourself to get to comfortable. By allowing yourself to get comfortable you might as well look right at your spouse and say I'm done impressing you. As women we are looked upon from society as the eye candy. We have a image to up hold at all times. If we are not having a good day and don't feel like getting dolled up were being lazy. When a man doesn't feel like getting dressed up he is rugged or relaxing. Of coarse its not fair but that's life. So I say Ladies keep the spark alive by bringing new things to the table. Try different looks and take him out sometimes. Get into things he is into. Always think outside of the box with your man. Remember all the reasons he feel in love with you in the beginning. Understanding your man is a sure fire way to keep him interested in you. By understanding your man I mean find out why he likes a what he likes. If he like Football take him to a game and set up the tailgating party. You will see him bond with his buddies and understand why he just enjoys being with his friends. Another way is to not nag! As woman we are creatures of habit we know when something has been moved an inch in out homes and want everything done when we want it done. Nothing is wrong with this but we have to understand guys aren't like this. If you hung a new picture on the wall and they don't notice it right away don't nag them about why they didn't see it and that they don't appreciate what you do around there...Just show him the dam picture. It will make you life a whole lot easier. There are alot of things we as woman can do to keep the flame burning on high in our relationship, but I will say this it is a whole lot easier to keep it going then to let it blow out completely and have to light it again....

Let us know ladies what do you do to keep that spark going???

Never let them see you sweat....

How many of you have been chillin with your man or woman and the conversation starts to turn in to a debate then next thing you know your yelling at each other? I don't know about y'all but i believe in the statement when it rains it pours! You could be happy and then next thing you know your job messed up your check then yours kid comes in with a bad report card then to top it off your spouse is ready to argue...What do you do? I say keep your cool. Ladies don't let them see you sweat. Hold your composure . When the woman of the house is upset everything will be in disarray. As a woman you have alot of power of how the vibe of your home is controlled. I tell a friend of mine all the time to just keep her cool because he is feeding off your energy. Men want to be strong and the ruler of there castle and this is all fine and dandy until the shit hits the fan. They let the pride sometimes get in the way of thinking rationally. In the time of crisis it is the woman that holds it all together....sorry guys but it is what it is! Woman are always prepare for something way out to pop off its in our nature we have had it in us since we were younger. I was in high school and m friend had a woman issue at school we were like in the ninth grade she was wearing a pretty yellow skirt and she was a wreck because it was lunch time and the security was not letting anyone go off campus. she told me the scoop i had her changed and called up my older home girl to act like her sister and get her out of school....I just kept my cool. There are going to be times when things are good but as woman we don't let are guard down and i think that is not a bad thing. Be prepared ladies stay strong and never let them see you sweat....Keep your cool and your whole world will follow in footsteps!

Extreme Baggage

Ever met someone who swept you off your feet? They wine and dine you and you are in relationship bliss...... Then all of a sudden they slowly but surely start to not act the same. They stop dining and all you hear is whining?????You have been HAD! Not exactly... Most relationship have this problem it is caused by one problem some has gotten comfortable. I don't mean like gaining weight or not wearing heels too cook but i mean comfortable like they think they have you and your not going anywhere. Then you start to realize that they are faulting you and blaming you for shit you haven't even done. They have brought in the excess baggage. Someone has done this person wrong in the past and now they have gotten it in there head that everyone is like that. So what do you do? Well i think first you need to evaluate the level of baggage. If the person thinks that you might leave them if they piss you off so they walk around eggshell's around you this is most likely a workable issue. All you need to do is show them that your not going anywhere by telling them the reasons you are with them. This Will install confidence in them and help to understand there uniqueness. Then there is the situations where this person is so gone that they want to control your every move. They want you to not have a life without them and if you do they make it seem like it is your fault that you need some space. What do you do in this position? This scenario is all about prevention. If you start to see traits of this early in the relationship then you need to immediately nip this in the bud. Let the person know that you are who you are and either they can roll with you the way you are or roll on. Now there are times when you are so blinded by love that you don't see this coming along and next thing you know all your friends are gone and you notice your always together. So what do you do now? I say speak up start by telling the person how you feel if they are not listening to this then you need to stay strong and DO YOU by this I mean go out anyway. If they are still giving you a hard time then you might want to consider moving on. Everyone has baggage just some can look at there baggage as lessons learned and use there past as stepping stones. Others cant get over the hurt they endured in the past. So this is to everyone not just my ladies, if you find yourself falling for someone who has more baggage than LAX you might want to think long and hard before become there bellhop.

Space and Trust

Does absence make the heart grow fonder? I believe in most cases yes but others will beg to differ. I think that in relationships it is so important for each member to have the own life. Some people think that a couple needs to have one life together. I have been in relationship where I have had it both ways. One was to the extreme i never saw him. He was always gone and it made me wonder what he was doing all the time. So my insecurities led me to cheat because i didn't want to be the faithful one why he was out running around. Needless to say this ended fast because there was no trust for many valid reasons. Then i have been in the opposite extreme where this man acted like i couldn't be away from him for longer than 5 minutes and he was sending out a search party to look for me. The most frustrating thing abut this was how do you plan things or surprises if the person is always around. He would make me feel like i wasn't being a good girlfriend because i wanted a girls night out once every couple of months. We as woman need our space whether we spend it alone or with our girlfriends. Some woman are so clingy because they were cheated on or think everyone wants their man. I say if you cant let you man go to the store without feeling like he was going to met him a booty call than he is most likely not for you. I mean who wants to be in the business of keeping a man that don't want to be kept. You have to think if you were in a relationship like this which way is the right way to be? I say the perfect answer is a level medium. Know when to back up ladies and let your man breathe trust that he loves you and wouldn't do anything to hurt you. If he does you know what to do. But a little bit of trust goes along way with a man. you will build a strong healthy relationship that will last. So some absence does make the heart grow fonder but trust and respect makes the heart love longer...

Break up rules

You found yourself in a dead end relationship. You tried to make it work but its over....How do you break up without the drama? I have been through it all been cheated on and been the cheater. I have had all kinds of break-ups some with drama and some without. Some people love a messy break up I say its the ones who are opposing the break up. Breaking up should be easy and quick as possible the long drawn out breakups are for unsure people. So if you are sure about your choice then this will be simple. I say first confide in a friend. Not just some random person but a real friend someone that doesn't know the other person this way they will be there to support you and only you. Second stay strong hold your ground and keep your distance. If you and this person have mutual friends try and lay low as much as possible. Seeing this person will make it harder to get over them. Third keep busy take up a new hobby and try new things. Keeping busy will take up that empty space of free time you have. And last cry it out. Don't hold back your feelings if you feel like crying cry. It doesn't make you weak it makes you human. I never understood why people hold in there feelings like this. It will almost every time make you feel like you will explode. I don't care if you have been in a relationship for 2 months or 2 years breaking up is hard even more so if you don't agree to the break up. If you are getting broken up with keep your distance, maybe all the person needs is a little space. I wrote this for a friend of mine who needed some advice on how to get over an ex. I hope this helps....If you are following this blog and have any other suggestions please feel free to leave a comment. But to my friend stay strong god has you in his heart and he knows who is right for you...so be paitent your soul mate is on the way!

Black woman Hate other black woman...why

I was raised by a white mother and black father so first hand i didn't see this growing up. As i became older i started to notice the weirdest thing, Black woman dogging out other black woman. I mean everything from trying to take her man to telling her kids to not like the others kids. What the hell is going on. I mean everyone has a right to not like someone but come on ladies can it be for a real reason. Not because her hair is longer than yours or because she is lighter or darker than you. Everyone has there issues and no one has a perfect life. I remember going to school with this one girl she walked around like she was better than everyone else. she was pretty and always had nice clothes but see i knew her for years before the glam image she was trying to portray and she was so much nicer and fun to be around when she wasn't trying to live up to this role. She used to say she was so popular and everyone was jealous of her but she would get into a new fight with a different person at least once a week. I never understood why she would take getting in too fight every week just to uphold this image. To make long story short I saw her recently and she was catching the bus alone and when i offered her a ride she just put her head down and didn't say anything. I didn't know what happened to her but I started to think was she getting some sort of pay back for just being hateful when she was younger? I don't wish anything bad on anyone instead i believe god has his ways of showing someone his point. So women when you see another lady and she is looking cute or rocking a fly hairstyle why not tell her she looks fly or ask her where she got her shoes from. It shows that you are confident enough in yourself to share some encouraging words to another woman... deep down inside she might really need a friend.

New jack females...

Okay ladies how many of you have grandmothers that have been married for 50 years? Do you ever wonder why marriages use to last that long? I know I did but i think i might have figured it out. I was brought up to be a strong don't need no man kind of girl. My mom always told me that I don't need to clean up after a man or cook for a man, I'm not saying this was not the right way to raise me because i think i turned out great. .lol but it wasn't until i went to my aunts house that i saw a woman chillen, having a conversation with me until her man walked in.....girl she got up kissed her man helped him take off his shoes offered him a drink i was sitting there with my mouth open....what was she doing catering to this man's every need. I mean she was on point. I was like 22 and was brought up that a woman who does all of that was some kind of pushover. So I asked my aunt do you do that everyday and she said yea why i told her i cant do all that for no man she said well where is your man I said I don't have one she said well shit I see why..... At that moment I said she was just clownin until it clicked I didn't have a man if i did get a man we would break up in a few months a lot short of 50 years. I had to really sit and think what is wrong with pampering your man treating him like a king? ABSOLUTLY NOTHING....it takes giving some to get some and the more you give the more you get. I'm not saying give this treatment to your man in hopes of getting some back but when he is a good man and he deserves it. You will get so much joy out of making him happy. To see him smile and know that you treat this man like no other is so self rewarding. Woman back in the day were not afraid to show there man how they felt they would cook all day for there man iron there clothes and let them watch there sports without no problems. And would be married for decades! I don't know about you ladies but I see something in this scenario that makes me want to take the more humble approach of taking care of my man. We can still have a voice and a backbone and show our man that we love them and we will take care of them. I say this because there is something I had to learn the hard way because i was never told this.... BUT WHAT YOU DON'T DO FOR YOUR MAN THERE ARE A HUNDRED OTHER WOMAN THAT WILL..


Treat your men right ladies the right ones are so worth it!





- unparagoned woman

Addicted to heartache

Why is it that the ones we want don't want us back? Sure there are a few ladies that have met there soul mates and are in a loving bliss as I type this and there are some ladies who feel like they need to change something about themselves to get the guy. So you have to sit back and think...Are some woman addicted to heartache? Is the man on your arm treating you so good, doing everything for you and then some but you just cant seem to see yourself with. It all goes back to when we were little girls and the little boy walks up to you and hits you. you cry at first but next thing you know your chase him just so he can chase you back. i know for some woman its all about the chase. That's why some woman go after these raggedy men that don't have anything going for themselves and do want them. I wonder if i ever didn't talk to the guy in school that would have done anything for me to notice him because i was too busy chasing the dumb ass with the nice ass. Then i think it all comes down to lust. do you really love this man or do you crave for his attention and affection? Now ladies if you married and happy then this one doesn't apply to you but ladies if your single and chasing that chase stop and ask yourself...once you catch him will you still want him.....? One of the followers to this blog Ms. Chloe wrote this poem that you can tell came from a place where we have all been. where deep down you want to just snatch his ass up and shake him because you know your a good woman and you could make him happy but his dumb ass is to blind to see...I SAY IF HE ISN'T SMART ENOUGH TO SEE THE LOVE YOU HAVE FOR HIM IN YOUR HEART THEN KEEP PUSHING BECAUSE 9 TIMES OUT OF 10 HE WILL COME LOOKING FOR YOU SOMEDAY...LETS JUST HOPE FOR HIS BENEFIT YOU STILL HAVE TIME FOR HIM....

I'm trying to make this work
but i feel like you're not
i call no answer
you call i answer
its as if i'm chasing an unrealistic dream
but for an odd reason i just cant stop
dreaming this dream
what do i do when my feelings are so strong?
and my heart hurts because its tired
tired of chasing after your love
only to lose the race
after every meet
so in this time of confusion i write to you...
hoping that you will one
day soon understand my feelings
maybe you do understand and
just don't feel the same
but please if that's the case tell me!
so i can begin another race

Poem by Chloe

What makes a woman beautiful....

Different people have different meanings of what beauty means. Me myself I would like to believe that beauty is something that is found deep into the depths of our souls. But we all know that others don't look at it this way. So what makes a woman beautiful? Is it a slim woman? Is it a woman with a high level of intelligence? I guess its different strokes for different folks. I don't think i would change a thing about myself. I know that my beauty is one of a kind. It makes me who i am and completes me. I have been all shapes and loved everyone of them. I believe confidence is the best way a woman can show off her beauty. Men see there is something about a woman who walks in the room and shuts it down. Not because of the outfit she has on or the Birkin bag on her arm. She walked in strong, a true believer in herself. I tell my girlfriends all the time if you believe you are the finest chick in the room so will everyone else....even the haters! So ladies when you feel down and like you have had better days skip over the bullshit of talking yourself down even more. There is someone in this world for everyone. If your looking for Mr. right or ms.right stop pushing so hard to find them and find yourself first. When you have truly found yourself then Mr./Ms. right wont be to far behind. So ladies do the foot work and complete yourself because that is where true beauty lies.

-Unparagoned Woman

Definition of a "Real Woman"

I don't know about you all but I'm tired of all the websites and blogs that want to sugar coat everyday life. I want to create a place where only real woman can relate. So what is the difference between a fake woman and a real woman? A real woman is strong, focused, beautiful and most of all true to herself at all times. A fake woman is.... well there not even worth mentioning. As I get older this is a something I can spot in other women. Come on ladies you walk into a party and you can spot the sistas out that you could see yourself shopping with and the ones who look like they are flat out messy. Me and my bestfriend say we only have one female friend and that's each other. I hear a lot of my cousins and acquaintances say " I don't do females". But sometimes i miss those girly chats on the phone with other woman, So i sit back and wonder is it me or do friendship end once you get married and have kids Or better yet once you complete school? I don't know what to think about this but i do know sticking to me and mines sure does seem to keep me drama free . So with all of that being said I figured we could all share our thoughts and storiss and have a sisterhood for all the real woman to sit back with a glass of wine and read,laugh and most of all always keep it REAL!!!

-Unparagoned Woman