What goes around comes around

So you think you have finally met the person you thought you could spend a lifetime with then...You find out he is in a relationship...What do you do?? My answer to this is one of mass confusion. If he is married does that make him no longer the man you could see yourself with? What if he is not in a relationship and he is dating several different people? This is a tough one. As much as I would like to sit here and say never talk to man if he is in a relationship we have all done it. some of us knew some of us didn't but its almost certain that it has happened. Okay I'm going to try and write about my opinions of this without pissing off as many of you as possible but hey this is what i do. I have to keep it real....In the case of the married man I think that if you meet this man and you fall for him and he tells you he is married you need to back the hell off! I say this because...say in the 1 in a hundred chance he leaves his wife for you. His ass will cheat on you too....Why?? KARMA is a bitch!! If you happen to meet a man and he is in the process of leaving his wife but he wants you make his ass wait. If it is worth it, it will be. Seeing a married man is in no way okay. And you have to think what is going to make you so different that you think he wont cheat on you later. Now this is where things start to get tricky Say you meet a man and he is in a relationship now what? The right thing to do is keep it pushing but we know that's not easily done. The only thing I can do in this situation is speak from experience if he is with her there is something about her he likes more than you...so move on! Seeing a man in a relationship is bad but not as bad as a married man....(just my opinion) Lastly what happens if you are casually seeing a man and he tells you that he is dating more than you...ALOT MORE. Is this an automatic deal breaker? I think not. The reason I say this is because i have dated different guys at one time and there wasn't any other reason behind it besides I'm casually dating people. You know weighting my options. Woman take this seriously and if you do that means that he was casually dating you and you were falling in love. With all of this being said ladies open your eyes if he is doing it to one woman chances are he will do it to you.

A man with sensitivity....too much sensitivity???

You need a man with sensitivity....I think this word doesn't even apply to how some of these men are now days. I'm not one to man bash but there is something I have to get off my chest. Have you guys ever had a friend that was so whipped by his woman it just made you sick. I mean a man with no damn back bone? Yuck.... it is the nastiest display you ever want to see. I know that men are usually rough and tough. They don't show emotions very well and they want to wear the pants all the time and that is sometimes annoying but imagine a man that cries all the time or is a yes man! That's even worse. They say if your man is doing this than he is probably gay. That isn't always the case. Alot of things could make a man soft like this like being raised by all woman. In some cases they grow up and become worlds best lover because they know exactly what woman want. Some cases is because they are very insecure that maybe they will lose their woman if they show a little bass in the voice. I say a man that can stand up to you when your wrong is a whole lot more sexy than a man who is a wimp. Lets face it ladies sometimes we have it coming and need a reality check. So fellas please when you meet a new girl let her know if you are a sensitive and or a crier. I think a man that knows when to turn it off and on is nice. A even medium is good. I mean this is just my opinion! Man up!!

Age aint nothing but a number.....

So age ain't nothing but a number huh? I went for my morning walk and I have to keep it real with you guys at all times. I saw a man that looked like he was at the most 19 and this lady she looked like his mom. So I'm thinking nothing wrong with this situation right.... Whoa was I wrong he started kissing her and grab her on the ass she laughed and got in her car and left. My jaw hit the damn floor. Then as I continued my walk I couldn't help but wonder why I was so damn shocked. Men do this shit all the time! They get them a piece of eye candy on their arm and they are the player the big shot, but when a woman does it she is a Cougar. Who made up that damn name anyway?? They should be shot..Lol. I was almost upset with myself I should have given her props from jump street. I hate the fact that society has made it so woman don't have the same right to do the shit men do to us all the time but then I realized I'm woman and I started to judge her like she was nasty for dating a younger man. I'm 27 years old and I couldn't see myself marring a man that was 19 but I could see myself doing what they were doing Lol.... I had to throw that up in there. I think everyone should be able to see who they want. No matter what the age (18 and over) sex or color. Its time we start realizing that when you put limits on who you can fall in love with then your only putting limits on how happy you could be. Because the person that doesn't fit into your perfect mate category could very well be the one who will make you the most happy. Love should be limit free....

-Unparagoned Woman!

Interracial dating who's for it? Who's against it?

So what do you think about interracial dating? Being from two different races myself this answer should be cut and dry for me you would think but my answer is complicated. I grew up in a era when seeing a black teenage boy walking hand and hand with a black girl was pretty much obsolete. This would bother me. I am mixed with black and white but look black. So I couldn't help but take offense to hear black men talk about black woman as if they weren't good enough for them. I believe everyone has the right to be with who they want to be with. I'm not against any race or sex being together. That's just not for me to judge. I have heard black men say it all when it comes to interracial dating like I only date white girls because black and Mexican girls have too much attitude for me. Or I have heard them say that they are players and the reason why they cant date black girls is because they cant do black woman wrong. I mean this is so wrong on so many levels. First of all I think alot of times society has some how made white woman look like they have no back bone and will do whatever there man wants and let them dog them out. WRONG!! In what city is this shit happening in??? lol because my momma is white and she has never let a man run her. I have alot of friends that are white and they are the same way. Second of all just because your black momma kicked your ass growing up if you didn't take out the trash doesn't mean that black woman have attitudes. Black woman have endured alot of scrutiny about this... yes we have spunk about us and its what gives us our edge but I wouldn't call it attitude. Black men have the same attitude. so should all black woman start dating white men? I could go on and on about this when there is one bottom line.....Date someone because you like the person they are not because there skin color is the right color for you. Let go of all the stereotypes and date who makes you happy get to know them for who they are. I can almost guarantee this will end up alot better for you long term.

You have to know the past to understand the present.

Does anyone else wish you had a magic wand where you could go back in time and change who you dated? I know I do. Why does it seem like the past always comes back to haunt you when you least expect it? I think for learning purposes only. The other day I was talking to a friend of mine and they wish they could go back to high school and do everything differently. So this made me wonder what things would I change if i could? I don't even know where I would start but I know that everything that has happened in my life has been for a reason. But I cant help but wonder what it would be like to not had met certain people or have feelings for them. would it change the way I view love now....I guess I would never know. Everyone I have met and/or dated has shaped me into the person that I am now. That's the way it is. Someone taught me how to love and how to kiss and how to make love. Hell I even learned how to break hearts from my first heartbreak. That made me strong and how to appreciate what I have while I have it. So I wouldn't even take that back. There is always something going on whether your single or in a relationship that shapes you as the woman you are today. My answer to this is I wouldn't change shit about my past because it has made me real at this moment.



What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new right now





"You can clutch the past so tight to your chest that it leaves your arms to full to embrace the future" ~Jan Glidewell





~Unparagoned Woman

The hard thing about business is minding your own

Has anyone ever gotten to involved with helping a friend in there relationship and in the end you feel like it was a huge mistake??? I know I have. So where do you draw the line at helping your friend? In my opinion anytime you open your mouth and speak your first word can be tragic. The reason being is because if this person listens to anything you say and it doesn't work out they will be looking at you for answers. But your thinking this is my friend and they need me or I want them to be together. Sometime things have to work themselves out and people need to learn there lessons the hard way. The true way of learning something is to go through it. This is because no one can describe to you an emotion. Emotions are felt and going through it first hand is the only way to truly experience it. So with that being said you cant prevent your friends and family from feeling the pain of a relationship. This goes both ways meaning you cant feel the joy of there relationship either. When dealing with family this can be especially tricky because there can be many different aspects of why your trying to help. Some people might see it as you being nosey, jealous or both. So when it comes to being involved you have to learn where to draw the line. Maybe just listening to what the person is saying. Show them that you care by conveying empathy by telling them if you have been in a similar situation. If you must give advice make it cut and dry like if your friend is being abused tell them to leave. Or if they suspect there being cheated on and have no proof tell them to make sure before they assume. Staying out of other peoples business will save you alot of unnecessary stress and make your friendships last a whole lot longer. So in other words mind your own damn business...

Once a cheater always a cheater???

Do you believe once a cheater always a cheater?? I think in most cases yes. Before you disagree listen to some of the reasons why I think this way. First, some people grow up in households where they watched someone cheater or have various partners. Some it is a natural thing to have more than one person at a time. Also I think that when people are in a serious relationship and get hurt really bad by a spouse it makes them want to never be put back in the situation to where they give there heart to one person and trust. I have been cheated on and I have cheated on people lets be honest its a whole lot easier to be the cheater than to be cheated on. I was cheated on first and when I felt that pain I said I would never cheat on anyone but then I forgot the pain and just felt like the smart thing to do was not to fall so deep for someone that I would get hurt like that again. When I got caught cheating I remembered that feeling when I looked at his face. I then felt so bad and I couldn't help but wonder if he would now be scared because of me? Would he cheat on someone because he will put up that same guard that made me cheat? I don't know but that was a huge weight to think that maybe I changed the way even one man thought about women. Being cheated on is one of the worse feelings but cheating on someone you care about also has it cons. It will put a strain on you. And eventually come to the light. If your married this will be even worse. So whatever your reason for cheating try and think about what damage your really creating. Once a cheater always a cheater?.... cheaters you have it in you, but a strong person can get through anything and break the cycle.

"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than to not trust"
~Samuel Johnson

Can you be in love with two people??

Its a simple question with a difficult answer...Can you be in love with two people at the same time? I don't think so. I say this because to be in love with some means to truly dedicate yourself to this person fully. Now there is a trick to this question. Can you be love two people at the same time and my answer to this is YES! A lot of people don't understand the difference between being in love and loving someone. For example you love your friends but your not in love with them. Being in love with some again is to where you are completed committed to just loving this person in a romantic way. When you have committed to being in love with some you don't have any room left to be in love with anyone else. I think you can love as many people as you want. Because to love some is feeling and being in love is a feeling accompanied by actions. Also alot of the time people get confused with being in love and being in lust. To lust for someone means it is strictly a sexually or emotional feeling the thought of being intimate with this person or touching or kissing this person. The power of lust is so strong that it can very well be confused for being in love. Here are ways to figure this thing out. First ask yourself how often do you think of this person and what are you doing when you think about them if you think of this person after you have had some drinks or if they walk into a room chances are you just lust for them. Now if you wake up thinking about this person and fall asleep thinking about this person then you may be in love. Also you need to ask yourself could you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person as a friend and as a lover. If you answer no you are basically saying that after you get what you want out of this person you may be done. These are reason people should use the "L" word very carefully because not only can you confuse the person that your telling but you could confuse yourself also.

Making love or having sex?

We say it to someone we care about and some people use it because it sounds good at the time. The word is love and in the context that I'm speaking the word is making love. Whats the difference between having sex and making love? I say a huge difference. When having sex and making love most think the basics are just about the same but I think they are complete different. To have sex with some all it takes is an action, two people and that's about it. You don't have to have feelings for this person hell you don't even have to know the persons name. It is strictly physical. Pretty much 95% of relationship start of with just a sexually chemistry and there is nothing wrong with that. How can you just meet someone and make love to them. To make love with someone is more mental than physical. To be connected with someones mind body and soul is a very powerful thing. When making love you are one with this person. It just feels better because its so much more complete. Don't get me wrong when your with your spouse there are going to be times where being soft and gentle are going to be the farthest thing from your mind. I think this help to keep things fresh with your partner. In my opinion variety is key in making your relationship work. you can most defiantly have sex with someone you love but its impossible to make love to someone you don't love. Woman we are especially sensitive to this. If you meet a guy and you guys have sex try to take it for what it is to avoid getting hurt. Because we are the more sensitive sex we tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves. This is just in our nature. Fellas keep it real with us don't tell us you want to make love to us if you don't love us. Ladies lets do the same...

Lovers or friends...or both?????

This is the age old question...can men and women really be just friends? My opinion is yes! but I can almost guarantee that at one point in time on person is going to want to take it there. I think this happens because we as humans we love to be comfortable and if you are in bad relationship your friends help you get through it. But what happens when it is a person of the opposite sex? I say you may start to develop feelings for them because you will see them as the one good man/woman left. For example if your man is trippin and you cant seem to make him understand where you are coming from but you call up your guy friend and he listens to you and makes you feel better you gotta kind of think to yourself that maybe just maybe he is the only one that understands you. And this also works vice verse if your a man and your girlfriend cheats on you, then you call up your good friend that happens to be a woman. And she is on the phone telling you that your such a great guy and that she was stupid to hurt you. As a man you might start to see her as a loyal and true woman. This is not in all cases I have been best friends with my man friend since 3rd grade. We would never cross that line. because our friendship means to much to us. Its never ran through my head to be intimate with him however i have thought about finding a man like him. So it is possible to be friends with someone from the opposite sex. But don't sell yourself short if you feel feelings for your friend tell them how you feel you never know the feeling might be mutual and who better to be lovers with than a friend!

Who has it better Men or Woman???

Who has it worst in society men or woman?? I guess it all depends on who you are asking. Men will say they have it worse and Woman will say they have it worse. In my opinion Men have it rough because when things get tough at home financially then they are looked upon as not being a good provider. Woman have it rough because if her relationship doesn't work out then she did something wrong. As woman we just beat up on each other so bad we make it alot harder on each other. If you were to put a group of men and woman in a room with a group of men and everyone was to meet someone and start a relationship all the men would be willing to help hook each other up but not us woman we would hate on each other even if we found someone we wanted to talk to. Men have always been able to come together and work together in ways woman couldn't ever begin to do. In society woman are known as soft emotional and confused. Where men are strong and easy going. Woman do we give our own self's these titles? Do we get so caught up in what society has made us out to be? I think so. for example a woman walks into a room she has on a T-shirt and sweat pants the first thing to jump out of a woman's mouth is she is either gay or poor. why cant it be that she just came back from working out or hell just not feeling good that day. But if a woman walks into a room with a nice dress on the first thing to pop out of a woman's mouth is she thinks she is cute....I don't know why we do this to each other but we put way more stress on each other. I say if a woman is comfortable in her own skin she doesn't judge. Too me woman have it alot harder in society but most of it is caused by other woman. We need to stop beating up on each other so much ladies!

Baby Momma Drama PT.2

Okay ladies so we have discussed how to not be a trifling baby momma but what about dealing with one.....You meet a man and he has a child the child is sweet and cute and you think hey this might work out. But then he lowers the boom and you met the baby momma....What do you do? I say treat this situation with kid glove be as gentle as you can about talking to her. If you meet her and she is nice this means she has moved on and her only concern is who is hanging around her child. But if you meet her and she is rolling her eyes at you or laughing with her friends, prepare yourself for a long ride. The first thing you need to do is utilize your man as much as possible this means don't talk directly to her. If you notice that you keep sending the child over there with shoes or clothes and there not coming back don't call her have the dad call. This is not your role to go back and forth with this woman. Second don't assume just because she doesn't like you that her whole family doesn't either. If the grandparent pick up the child be polite and respectful nine times out of ten they will go back and tell her that you were very nice and they will wonder what the hell is wrong with her. And third and this is a big one Never talk bad about her to her own child this will get back to her and when it does be prepared for a firestorm not just from her but your man also. In most cases whenever there is a court ordered child custody case it usually states that neither party can use any derogatory words or statements in front of the children about the other person. So we are talking about your man losing custody over you wanting to vent. If he is worth anything his kids come first and you can kiss your relationship goodbye. There is always going to be tension if this woman still has feelings for your man. The only thing you can do is be prepared and stay strong. Don't push a relationship on the children just let it flow. Good Luck